Shifitng interests of older at-home women

A ‘happy married life forever after’ is always viewed as the ultimate goal for a woman by her parents. They want to see their girl settled down and prospering. However, in all the haste of grabbing opportunities and making every effort not to miss them, girls are married off at an early age of 19-21, the very moment the mother lays her eyes on a suitor.

In this whole process, education tends to take a backseat. Some twenty years back this was the case, when families looked for girls who could take care of the house. Working women were thought of as heretical, a threat to the patriarchal ways and vulnerable to the running-trends.

Hence, housewives were the most sought-after brides then. They fit the bill – served well in a joint family, the kitchen loved them, mixed properly with the relatives, and from time to time they inculcated the ancestral sanskars in children. It was a happy existence, indeed, for the woman as well. But the ‘forever after’ was not bound to last for long. The emergence of a new-age woman broadened perspectives and possibilities for every woman.

Twenty-five years after the marriage, when their children are well-settled in their career field, which had once been her earnest dream; the woman is forced to question her abilities and her identity. When the picture of an urban-woman is thrown to her face she can’t help but notice what she has been missing.

Despite the urge to change, this new-found dream seems far-fetched to her. The woman is about to enter the evening of her life; which company would want to take a forty-something, inexperienced and unskilled lady?

It is a dilemma faced by thousands of women beneath the glorious veil of metropolitan cities. These women are free- free from their domestic obligations. At first, they succeeded in doing what was expected of them from their parents. Later they devoted themselves to the marital vows. A life dedicated to others. But now, freedom is theirs.

It is all right if they don’t know well a foreign language such as English. None of them must get disheartened. They might have been the best in their class in tougher and other subjects such as mathematics or history. Their worth can not merely be measured in terms of their academic status but the age of experience. 

Older non-working women can surely become a part of the various Non-Governmental Organizations. These, normally, have no age-limits. It is not that difficult to get in touch with a NGO nearest to the residence. For starters, how about a local-welfare society? Or may be a home meal service for bachelors 'n working couples in your area?. The only thing required is determination and faith in oneself. It’s never too late.

4 questions to ask yourself for a guilt-free shopping spree!

We, women, have our own excuses for a shopping spree. We blame our stress, PMS or a rift with spouse, for our shopping excursion. No matter why or when, shopping sprees are fun and very indulging. But, do you regret buying something later and call yourself an impulsive shopper? Does that word ‘Sale’ draws you buy something that you don’t want at all? The effects of these questions can be traumatizing. So before you ask yourself, “Why the heck did I buy that?” ask yourself these questions and keep away from losing your control or feeling feeble.

‘SALE’ …Are you buying just because it’s on sale?

Sale is something that tempts all your senses. You wonder what to buy and what not to… Bags, dress, shoes, accessories, after all who doesn’t love a good deal. The idea is to stop for 2 minutes and judge if it’s really worth a buy, and you don’t have anything similar lying in your wardrobe. Every purchase you do is either a need or a want. Differentiate and prioritize your needs from your wants. 

Do you love it or do you need it? 

How many times does it happen that, you walk into a store for one thing and walk out with ten things you don’t need? This time before you check out at the ‘Pay Here’ counter, check in with yourself. Is it something you need? Do you really love it and can’t live without it?

Can you afford it? 

Is it one of the most important questions which you want to ignore? Credit card has turned the tables around for every person now-a-days. But when it comes to paying those debts, we count every penny. Do you remember that famous shopaholic book series of Sophie Kinsella? Splurging while you shop is thrilling but all the thrill goes out of the window when the bill arrives at your home. So its utmost necessary to take note of our salary account and to know, really how much do we have to spend on ourselves. This may sound apparent, but if you can’t afford it, don’t buy it! Trust me it will lessen your stress later. And if you really love something, honestly save for it and earn it for yourself as a treat. 

Can you wait for 24 hours? 

A great way to stop yourself from getting into the trap of impulsive buying is to wait for 24 hours and think over it. Smile and ask the salesperson to put it on hold for you (most stores will do this for at least 1 day), go home and see if the item keeps revolving infront of your eye. If it does then go and purchase it the next day and if not, chuck it! Try once, and this doable test will help you plan your purchases without much effort. 

Make shopping guilt-free with these simple tricks. Save those little extras here and there and have a choice to splurge on that dress or shoes you lust for!

Behind Domestic Violence– A Fiction Depiction

In India more than 55% of women suffer from domestic violence. But is it only physical that qualifies for violence against women? I don’t buy this fact, violence of thoughts that thrashes women internally, makes her loose her confidence and her existence, is even worse. Physical wounds may heal tomorrow but the inner marks won’t.

This post is about a girl, whom I got to know virtually around 3 years back. We met on facebook and started to chat randomly. Today you might not get to see her or feel her, neither would this post make any difference to her, but being her virtual friend least I can do is let people know her.

Friends of friends setting of facebook, helped me get acquainted to her when she liked one of my blog post. Tabassum (name changed). Her profile photo was of a beautiful sunflower. Somehow we began with poking and then chatting. As I got to know her, she was a housewife in her mid 20’s. Her husband was a business man. Born and brought up in Bhopal, she moved to Kolkata after her marriage. In her alone time she used to surf internet to know some more of the world around.

I was on my annual leave those days, so with ample free time we got to chat more.

During our usual conversations, one day she asked me, “What do you usually wear? Do you wear kurtis and those colourful leggings which are in fashion these days”

I replied, “I mostly live in Kurtis and leggings”.

“I love them too, I can’t get my eyes off them when I go to the market” she said excitedly.

“So you too like to wear them?”

“I wish I could but my husband doesn’t like them. Though he doesn’t have a problem but my in-laws…..”

“So you should speak to your husband and make him understand that kurtis shouldn’t be a problem, infact half of India wears them today.”

“They are not much educated and have an orthodox mindset. My husband too is a college dropout.”

“Hmm… and by the way what have studied?”

“I have masters in computer science, but what’s the use they won’t let me work, it’s not in their traditions. L ”

Heavy in heart, I could type a word to that. Is this what India is?... How can a girl live with so many restrictions and boundations?

A few days later, it was the time when I met my husband and started falling for him, with love on my mind I made a random post on my blog about love, reading which she pinged me.

“So are you in love?”

“Yes luckily, have you ever fallen in love”

“Yes, in college days I had a boyfriend.”

“Then what happened, why didn’t you get married to him?”

“My parents didn’t approve of him, and arranged my marriage”

“What about your guy”

“I had to surrender to my parents wish and forget him”

“So do you love your husband now”

“Now as I have his child in my womb, it has to be love right?”

“What… are you expecting?”

“Yes… 7 months”

“Wow… all the best”

Since then, we chatted frequently, and she used to talk about her child and how she is developing and loving the feeling inside her. She wanted a son. Though she didn’t give me a valid reason to this, I knew that she won’t want her daughter to face similar situations in life.

When she was 8 months pregnant, she went to her maternal home to deliver the child. Since she didn’t have internet there, she promised be in touch on phone and inform me when the baby arrives.

After a few days she called me, and told me about her health and that her baby shower function went off well and her husband gifted her gold jewellery which was much of a reason of jealousy for her in-laws. I was annoyed. She was going through such beautiful phase of her life and they are being so insensitive.

Within 20 days, I got a text saying she delivered a baby boy as she wanted. I was very happy for her.

It was a peak season at my office, so I got buzy with work and had less time for social networking. Guess she too got occupied with her new baby.

Then one day she called me.

“Hi there!”

It was an unknown mobile no, so I asked, “Who’s this?”

“Tabassum here. You forgot”

She was sounding very happy but unfortunately I was buzy that moment, so promised to get back to her soon. But that soon didn’t come any sooner.

Then one day, a common friend of me and Tabassum pinged me.

“Did you get to know about Tabassum”

“No. What happened?”

“Her baby died”

“What?????!!!! HOWWW?” I was shocked to hear that.

“Her husband lifted the baby, and the baby slipped and got hit on head. Died on the way to hospital”

“How is Tabassum ?”

“Her neighbor told that she is shattered and out of her senses completely”

I remembered her dreams about her baby and of her life with the baby. The lists she had made for her baby needs, the names she had chosen, all gone now.

Few months passed, one day I texted the same friend on Watsapp to know about Tabassum.

“Hi. Any news of Tabassum?”

“What… You don’t know?”

“No… is she fine?”

“She is dead”

“Nooooooo… how do you know?”

“Same neighbor, also a friend of mine, told me. She had got cancer and her husband left her that time. She succumbed to her ailment and worries.”

I was thoughtless and speechless. How can life be so unfair to anyone? She knew no joy in her life, one joy that she got in the form of her baby was also gone. She died every moment after her baby died and to top it all her husband left her with all her troubles. She suffered the pain both physical and emotional.

What was her fault… had she asked for any thing unconventional?

Only wearing Kurtis and leggings and having her baby? Is it a lot for any girl to ask?

Her love, education, lifestyle, freedom, dreams, baby, family everything got snatched one by one.

Hope she is more than happy with her baby in heaven.

Don’t know how many Tabassum’s are dying everyday in India. Each one of us should stand for ourselves and for our rights. It’s high time now!!!!

Modern Motherhood – Changes and Challenges

“Of all the rights of women, the greatest is to be a mother.”

Times have changed and so has the way of mothering a child. They were days when elder women in the family used to guide a girl towards this new phase of her life but today with changing times, there are books and internet. To be a good mother was a dilemma earlier but a pressure now.

At home:::: You are working, then how can you be a good mother…. Are you going to breastfeed and co-sleep with the baby… who will take care of the baby when you are out working… Won’t you feel guilty for not giving enough time to your baby…. etc.

At Work:::: Will you be able to manage work on time with a baby at home…. Will you be as fresh with ideas after a sleep deprived night… will you be able to attend the meetings or travel for work …. What is on priority your work or baby… and so on.

Yes with many aids in market, keeping baby happy and hygienic without investing much time is easy, but that’s not all. Modern and liberal women has many more challenges to cope up with.

Is liberal motherhood bad for feminism?

No. If you have a way, you are confident about, then certainly not. May be what is bad, is the inability of Indian work culture to have flexible schedules and work situations, where nursing moms are respected and are provided with appropriate space. May be what is bad is for her elders to think that she cannot handle work and home both. May be what is bad is sometimes the woman is made to feel sorry for even being a mother.  We need corporates and bosses to understand that if they give a little flexibility, provide them the right working environment, and focus on results rather than time in the office; then women or even men for that matter, can practice any kind of parenting that fits their style, life and family without having to choose parenting style or career.

Woman Vs Woman

9 out 10 times it’s a woman’s question that instills the guilt factor in a mother. You won’t feel more judgemental or guilty, then when another mother gives you just that weird look. Everyone is different and have their own style of raising their kids. Some want to make their kids independent from the start while others want to be with their kids at every step. One should respect each other’s feeling, and as a woman, support other women.

At work? Why feel embarrassed to ask for your needs

Sheryl Sandberg, the 43 year old Facebook COO, is a mother of two and an accomplished woman at work. She leaves office at 5:30 to be with her kids for dinner. She is fabulous at work, then why should the time she leaves office should be of concern to anyone?  As long as she is prompt in meetings, plans and finishes her work on deadlines, her motherhood style shouldn't be anyone’s business. She has opened up at work to ask for her rights being a mother and that has changed her life. Today she is an icon and her life can challenge any orthodox definition of being a good mother.

So, the problem is not your choice to be a liberal modern mother. The problem is that people judge personal decisions, and businesses don’t want to change the way they are. Ladies, it’s time to speak up like Sheryl did. Let the outside corporate world know that you can be passionate about your motherhood and still top the charts at work. Challenge the world and make the change happen!

Is Women empowerment proportional to Divorce rate in India?

Above all, be the heroine of your life, not a victim! ― says Nora Ephron

For most in the history, anonymous was a woman. It is NOW that Indian women has realized her real potential and has opened her eyes to see the outside world. She has admitted to the real ‘Girl Power’ which is no gimmick to be the change. Today, her opinions matter and are heard, and they too can….Divorce their partners.

Contrast to earlier days, today Indian women have learned to say ‘NO’ and stand for themselves and their rights. Men too no longer take their wives for granted and treat them as individuals with their own dreams. As Indian educated women leave their footprints successfully in different profiles, from the corporate to politics, marriage is no longer a necessity to be financially stable. Instead of surrendering to the situation, they now take the matters in their hands and fight for their happiness.

True, Women empowerment has done a lot of good to our country, after all no nation would want to waste half of its potential workforce. But has this empowerment really contributed to the skyrocketing divorce rates in India? We women are changing in every manner, but are the men around us accepting this change? I doubt… May be some of us are blessed with the best husbands who understand our perspective. What about others? Many men are still looking for reasons to put their wives down and if not them then their family.

Well, its right that divorce rates have noticeably increased after the women empowerment in India, but this is not the sole reason behind. It’s the patriarchal society that our men has grown up in, which hurts their ego if they see any girl doing better than them. The impatience and their feeling to dominate their women end up in clashes. Well, not only man, women too sometimes go overboard with the freedom they have and misuse their power. The feminist movement and its influence grows so strong that it influences the relationship and sentiments.

The way forward???

Knowing the fact, that women empowerment is only going to grow stronger, what is the solution to this rising divorce rate in India?

Women are said to be the intelligent one when it comes to maintaining relationships. So its time to know the limits of our power and mutually compromise or change where we can, to enjoy the marital bliss. A line needs to be drawn to avoid gender based conflicts by both the sexes. We women need to be patient till this change gets instilled in our men. That could be another battle to be won!

And what about men?

For Indian men, the need is to look beyond their patriarchal line and be unaccustomed to the new feminist trends and break the dilemma of being a superior. They have to learn to cope up with the change as there is no way around. Marriage is about two people and is not a one-way street. Loving and caring for each other should also mean accepting each other’s dreams and respecting our better half’s thinking and moral values.

Women empowerment is here to stay and grow. So everyone of us needs to welcome this change and be happy in the blissful institution that’s marriage!

New emotions ..and a new life!!

Apart from waiting to see a tiny mix of you and your love….Frequent mood-swings… unexpected cravings for food you never liked… weird sickness almost every other moment... helplessness for smallest things like a dropped book… undisturbed sleep during nights… packing up all your fav dresses and heels for almost more than an year… shopping for those ill fitted clothes and waiting for the time when you can shop for the ones you loved on the racks.. yearning to go on a backpack vacation…. These are all the thoughts associated with a mom to be.  

Time you are expecting, initially can leave you confused about the new phase… then slowly comes the feeling of something floating in your belly, then this float changes to kick boxing and dancing… reminding you always that she is inside you. You will feel like you have never been this sick in your whole life, have never had so many medicines or met a doctor so frequently.  Sometime it feels, is it really your body, is it really your belly which used to carry jean of 26” waist size?? seeing your old pictures, you feel you have really grownup (or may be blown up lol). All this is complimented with weird stares from men and women both, just that this time their sight is fixed on your bump not on your ***. Manytimes you feel really pregnant but not for others and they treat you like a normal being, when you know you are struggling, especially at work. Suddenly many people will start behaving differently and you would wonder how my baby can affect their attitude, didn’t they once went through the same phase?

Suddenly all the images of pregnant women that one sees on TV or in movies wash out and you remember the words of your parents, that this is one of the most difficult yet fascinating phases of a girl’s life. These difficult months can turn into a blessing when you see your husband making dinner for you and trying his best to lessen your pains. It actually bonds you both better. Enjoy the time, click your pics of this time, coz they will turn into memories later. This is the best time to be pampered and when you can indulge in every delicacy guilt-free. So enjoy the moment, it’s a part of our life making us feel magical while developing a life within us. I am enjoying.. did you???

{{Sad to hear that now infertility is increasingly becoming common amongst the new couples due to uncertain lifestyles and improper eating and sleeping habits. Many are opting for assisted conception live IVF. Wish all the women, expecting a baby or trying for one in future, all the very best.}}

Flatter me Hun !!

We all women love an ego massage every once in a while, especially when it comes from the right person, at the right time and place. Many a times an ego massage can surpass a Swedish or  aroma or chocolate or ayurvedic massage. And when it comes from your man, you feel, you just touched cloud no. 10.  

For me, I know my husband is one of those guys who talks true to what he feels. If he doesn’t like the dinner, he will say it no matter how much energy I put in preparing it. So whenever it comes, I thoroughly enjoy my ego being aired by my man. I love it when my husband acknowledges or praises my writing or the food or any advice, no matter if it is in his simplest words or in my ears..

What’s your story?

Won’t you feel proud, when your husband says you work really hard and manage everything quite well. Or when he lets his parents know that you take good care of their son and that he’s very well fed. Or when he doesn’t bother about your extra natal kilos and still excitingly clicks you saying you are still beautiful being plump. Will these simple compliments boost your confidence and give you a trippy kick ?

A pair of jeans is just not for you….

Yesterday I read not one but two shocking cases of biasedness against girls in this day and age, which kind of forced me to write this post…. First was a quote by the principal of a Kanpur College, Meeta Jamal, that says girls who wear jeans will be expelled from the college, since this is the only way to stop crime against women…. (What ???? excuse me!!!!)

Second was that a Haryana man beat his wife in a marketplace when she was out shopping with her parents wearing jeans.

In this issue, I can’t say a man is biased against women, there are women too who live in some centuries old era as well. When the man in above incident was asked his reason for the act… he said….

Do you know what this means…. ??? tomorrow she could ask for more… may be to keep her girl child also??? Or the right to be educated and work???

What do you think girls... being able to wear what we like… is about being disrespectful to society, especially when it’s a pair of jeans, which has the capability to hide all the nudity of the women… didn’t he see that when travelling alone, she can jump and run, even over the fences or cross road without the fear of tripping over.

Why… isn’t it just a pair of blue denim jeans??

No.. it is not!!!

Many UP and bihar colleges ban it!!!

Managlore bans it

Taliban sacks it

Grand parents criticize it …

And all hypocrites hate it!!!

Moreover our society’s conditioning is awesome… … If I say, Fine, Denim is a western trend… but

Our men all over, be it any age or size, flaunt it proudly… choose the latest trend amongst it…arent they being modern!!!!

But fashion is not for girls…. Does it symbolizes freedom… independence or something beyond!!!

I would say it’s not the man but the fear that has been instigated in him since childhood by the well-known patriarchal society of India.

The notion that girls should wear in a certain way, just like many other things, she should do in a certain way.

Why some men cant think of supporting her choices. I have seen men who stood by their wives (my dad is one of them), and generally when a man stands with his wife, nobody in India says anything anymore.

In the mentioned case of Haryana man, why was he so ignorant? Because he has probably grown up seeing men disrespecting women and teaching them how to behave. May be domestic violence is a part of their life in this part of the country… And we have seen the result of such thinking!!!

What he would have probably thought is ..WHAT WILL OTHER ELDERLY PEOPLE THINK (MOSTLY ELDERS IN FAMILY, NEIGHBORHOOD), IF THEY COME TO KNOW THAT MY WIFE IS NOT A SARI-CLAD WOMAN, but someone who can wear Jeans (still considered modern in most part of India). This would probably give a bad name to me and my parents as well. But he forgot that, she is an adult as well, a married woman, and she was shopping with her own parents! AREN’T A GIRL’S PARENTS ELDERS IN THIS COUNTRY!

Why is being modern a kind of terror for many… the terror that made this man beat his wife while she was shopping with her own parents!! What has happened to our wonderful family values, and this social system that prevented her parents from taking that violent bully to the court!

No wonder that nobody wants to have daughters in Haryana?

It’s not only about wearing jeans, we have issues with a girl having any say in her own life. The jeans are just a symbol used here. There are many other such restrictions. It’ s more about not letting her go out of control. About hypocrisy, insecurities, selfish parenting, and inferiority complexes. And the problem is not limited to man being biased towards women, but there are women  like Meeta Jamal too…

Just think, how would you like to be in such a situation? With a family that doesn’t really care for you, and wants to control every part of your life? Just think. We are human and sometimes that can make us very inhuman!

I am an independent women… but **sigh** it doesn’t help???

Sometimes, the burden of being an independent woman gets too much. It makes me too strong to lean on anybody, forces me to have a mind of my own on everything.

Grown up with under the protection of a women with unbelievably strong ideas, someone who changed many things in that time and age and a man who helped me follow my dreams. I grew up to be an overwhelmed feminist during my college days and believed my economic and emotional independence was a right I couldn't be denied. But after years of being one handling the changing dramatic life…  it gets tiring, fighting every minute to be what you want to be. It would be so easy to give it all up, but believe me it isn't. There are not one but many days when I want to let this whole idea slip off, of being a strong willed emancipated thinking woman and stumble in nothingness. Be vain, lead a life like other simple married girls I know are living and let people ride over me without minding it.

But there's a voice inside me that won't allow me to do any of that, spurring me on to shun all vestiges of dependence, holding me up when I would rather drop down and rest. It isn't easy to carry on at all times, showing myself as a brave girl, but it's lot more difficult to stop or turn back now.

Sometimes I feel sad for women around me who haven't had the privilege to come into their own yet by choice or not. There are days when I feel jealous: wouldn't it be easy to let others' decide the course of your life, to go with the flow simply, rather than walking against the tide? And here I am, struggling everyday with the small and big decisions of my life - from managing daily chores at work to thinking about the alternatives when I can give it all up to have children, from making small mental notes about how I would bring up a son or a daughter to helping spouse evolve out of the patriarchal society he grew up in. I look at the other metro women who don't consider marriage at even 30 and then I look at my cousins and friends who have had children in early twenties itself, and how I wish I wasn't stuck somewhere in-between!

It's very easy to say 'Go with your heart' or ‘Do what your heart says’. But opposites wrench my heart making me feel mysterious to myself!

It's great being a Girl!

Spices and Sugar with everything nice and lovely, that’s what pretty woman are made of.  And there are a million reasons to be happy you ended up with two X chromosomes – shoe or bag shopping, girls parties, high heels, makeup and cheaper insurance, just to name a few!

The best thing about being a woman is the variety. As women, we experience so many changes in our bodies and minds over the course of our lives. We get to experience life in a whole different way than men do, and I love that.

I love having lots of dressing options and looking pretty. It would be terrible to be a man and have to choose between the blue suit or the blue suit.

I can get away with splashing a drink over a man with just a smile and sorry, or get those last few movie tickets by requesting the first man in the queue, or get a space to sit comfortably in a metro.

The "superpower" of being able to grow another life inside you, and produce the food to feed it too.

Moreover, I also love the sisterhood that women have with each other.

Women have so many choices. They can work or stay home. Be a corporate woman, a teacher or a soldier. Despite the fact that we think men have it good, ask a man who has chosen a career viewed as predominantly for women, like a secretary or a nurse, or one who has chosen to stay home and raise the kids while Mom works. They get a lot of flack and are looked on as less of a man.

A woman can do all the things that women naturally do and she can do most things a man can do also. A woman can keep a house looking like something out of a magazine, a woman can make a delicious meal from leftovers, a woman can create life. A woman can get up early, cook, work whole day, sleep children, take a bath, and be ready for a night on the town. Men can't even put a dish in the sink.

Love being a woman? Let's hear you roar.

No one killed Jessica

Finally finally … it was Saturday when I finally watched no one killed Jessica. The cheerful girl full of life, who always stood against the wrongs around her. A motivation to be around, fun to be with! She was Jessica!!

Yes ofcourse all the characters were justified decently by the actors. Vidya, Rani convincingly portrayed their roles and were quite impressive. It was engaging no doubt..But throughout the movie the thought that bounded me was the fact that somebody actually shot the young girl coz she refused to give him a drink?????? Horrible is an understatement for this kind of incident. And to prove this, it took years… even more terrible. She was a model, was in a celebrity party, shot by a politician’s son, everything was in a limelight and it took around 7 years for the law to punish the guilty, what will be the case if similar thing happens with a common girl like you and me? We can’t expect justice at all I guess.

Almost every day I read a news in the papers about a girl being abducted and raped and the very next day the news vanishes! Ok 50% people now know that the incident happened…. then WHAT’s next?

I can bet, there won’t be even a single girl who have not been stalked by or tampered by a letcher. They are the shameless element of our society, which no body can do anything about, and girls have to suffer being girls. Even in the case of Jessica, there were people around but with no guts to stop the idiots from harassing the girl. Cowards… Truly Cowards. Hope whenever they see the mirror they can see their inability to fight against  the injustice. Am glad some from our nation did come up to help the family and get the justice. As it was said in the movie 2lac people supported the fight…. 2 lac from the population of more than 20 crores?? That’s the crass reality!!!

The fact that most of these everyday incidents happen in broad day light with people just passing by through it, avoiding it… scares me !! Am worried for the next generation too.

I have been in Delhi for quite a few years now but still sometimes I feel very helpless and lonely. Men in general don’t respect women here – neither an autodriver or a shopkeeper, nor the police and not even the mango people on the streets. Earlier these things used to haunt me now and then, but today though I have learnt to avoid it, still it makes me very uncomfortable.  I guess girls around me have accepted it like that , or may be are used to the staring eyes. Personally, I hate it… I hate the feeling of fear and helplessness. It is the same India where the people worship goddesses like Durga?? Evening if I go out alone, it feels I am in a national park and have animals roaming around staring at their potential food.

India wants to develop, but it cant… until the society develops, the thinking of the common man develops. I want to make the change in this thinking.. but how? How can I make it a land for the free and fearless females?

I pray to Allah, to now on send a new breed of real men, not only biologically but also by their deeds in true meaning of the word. India needs it badly.. !! We need a revolution, indeed a makeover !

The Girl Factor !!!!

New feminism is about being gorgeous in skin and daring in attitude. There’s a need to tone-down the glamour part in oneself to look original, natural and comfortably confident.

Today be it any advertisement or various parties, the glamour factor are always and only girls. What’s the individualism they show other than being the glamour faces. I strongly believe and want girls to realise their real potential and not totally depend on the guys around for every teenie meenies of their lives. They have to respect and believe in themselves to make others believe in them.

I am bold n independent enough to be myself and not pretend. I won’t say I am a feminist.. (I don’t actually like the word.. sounds so stubborn noh!!!! :o) but yes I don’t like stupid differentiation for being a girl (though ofcourse, I love being a girl for him, I like reading chick lits and watching crazy movies… guess that’s the choice difference and not the question on one’s potential). I also don’t want the situation of defending a label ("feminist") that has always been common sense and represented a hope for equality across (if not an end to) all binaries, gendered or otherwise.

I have gained a lot from my mom’s thoughts and the boldness she had in herself, the charm that resided in her, that made everyone love her even after the revolutionary changes she adopted. She has always been my idol and every thought she told me is like a clear written paper in my mind. Through the wrongs and rights in life, I have learnt being a girl is not easy, it’s a need to be even more bold and intelligent, to realise the beauty inside and be confident in whatever they do and wherever they go. Then only they can make a stand and be respected for what they are!!!

(Friends must be wondering what’s wrong with me, why suddenly I am sounding like a preacher, but for all the gals I know, I would say adjust and sacrifice for the people you love but never loose yourself !! )

PS: Everyone loved you initially, for what you are and not what you will be!

To be Or Knot to be !!!!!

I don't write stories neither do I create them :)..... Just that June may be month they invented romance, honeymoon and all that... heheee :D So let me write what is the cherry on my mind these days. These days this topic has captured my thoughts with no possible escape. Lemme share:

In my teens, like any other girl, I used to think there will be a day when ill meet my Mr. Right. The guy who'd care for me and wont hurt me ever. But as i grew older, I started to think, is there such a right one when all people around me.... mostly married for few number of years (some with adorable kids too) don't think they met the right one.

If my freind met the right guy, why did he ended up leaving his family for another woman??

I dont want to think they rushed things back then. These and many more things happened around me which somehow affected my outlook in life. Few days back I saw myself saying ' I am not interested in having a boyfriend and i dont want to get married at all'

It's not that I had lost interest in guys, I just thought men are not ideal. They will say they love you but are thinking another woman is sexier than you. they say they care but all they can do is call and ask how you are !!!... they say they won't hurt you but when he gets mad, he scream...shouts and sometimes hurt you badly too.

These things??? ... I am afraid of going through them and told myself I won't marry this kind of man. When I heard a lot of stories like these, I told myself can I not get married at all ???

Dont get me wrong, its not that I live alone and I like it this way... but the thought of having to grow old with sombody like this tells me I am better off!!!!!!!

With these outlook in my head, how ill I know if its the right guy I am meeting... when in my mind i'm asking can he truly love me and me alone?? will he leave me for other girl?? can he get mad at me??

The question was...Is there a right guy left??? or when God was showering pure heart, all men were soundly asleep !!!!!!

Then I thought may be I need to find and meet that right guy at the right time who'll change all of this... who'll make me say...Ah!!! marriage is truly an incredible thing!!!!
Now i believe- A good marriage is at least 80 percent good luck in finding the right person at the right time. The rest is trust !!!!!
I know am right !!!!! lol :)