Speak Up .... Say NO !

Be a good girl. Mind your manners infront of guests. If someone gives you a scoop of your favorite ice cream, don't ask for another one. If you are asked to do something you'd rather not do, do it anyway and keep your loved one’s happy. Also if someone treats you badly return it with being nice.

These are the things we were tought since the time we were small lil girls and most of us were told to be good girls and never say "No."

Then, when we become grown up girls — adult daughters and sisters, wives, mothers, colleagues —we still follow that one rule that was infused in us during childhood... 'We remember to be the nice girls.'

N’ later few girls, including me, encounter toxic relationships, with men and women, where they feel hurt but don't speak up because they don't want conflict, or they don't want to make the other person feel bad. These women continually allow people to cross their personal boundaries. Some are overwhelmed by taking on too many commitments and responsibilities, because they don't want to say no. All of them sacrifice their own healthy minds and hearts to make other people feel OK.

In their careers also, these good girls fail to speak up and thus are often ignored or taken for granted, while others, less qualified or deserving, snatch up the golden opportunities. They often feel taken advantage of, treated less respectfully or at a loss for how to get the things we most want in life.

From being unable to leave an abusive relationship, to being immobilized in a career, to being reluctant to question a physician about a treatment, we sometimes are more concerned with how others may react, or what others may think of us, than what we are with our own well-being.

So, when do we nice girls get to speak up? When do we get to say, "No," or "Back off?" When do we get to say, “Stop It!” or "Hey, it's my turn now!"?

Continuing to be the good girl we were commanded to be as children — being reluctant to make impressions, never allowing ourselves to speak up for what we really want, need or feel — keeps us from growing into strong, assertive Winning Women.

Being good and pleasant is important, but it alone will not get you what you want out of life. Being generous, kind and caring is an ingredient for success, but that’s not sufficient for the whole recipe.

I hate to say I too was one of them, and through my experiences I realized that my hesitation for saying NO, invited many troubles. Many a times, my mom’s persona motivated me to be bolder and speak up for myself, and I saved myself from sinking. So I know it’s not easy, but any effort to speak up, is truly worth it!

We live in a world that tells us Good Girls are nice 24/7, no exceptions. In a peer culture to avoids conflicts generally girls don’t get permission or learn skills to say no. These are crucial muscles we ought to have: the ability not just to know what we are feeling, but to act on it. Think about the last time you spoke up and challenged something or someone. If not, try this time, show yourself how it’s done: assertively and with respect. Warning: expect embarrassment. Simple… why not start with this..... Next time when you are served cold food or not as good coffee as the last time at a favorite restaurant, be bold and send it back to the kitchen for replacement.

Winning women are one who have learned how to win the respect, they deserve the success they've earned and the life they want without being labeled bad. We need to create situations where our voices are heard and needs are met apart from the fact that the outcome will make us feel good about how we have handled ourselves.