Games: WORDLESS WEDNESDAY (1)

Childhood Games Nostalgia 

It’s Time to change…. the Attitude !!!!

Let your mind travel places, do you still see the same world where women had to hid behind veils and kitchen & chores were their lifetime thankless job??

Decades have passed, women have changed today to believe they too are equal beings... but has the patriarchal society accepted this?? 

There are innumerable atrocities on women that we come across almost every day, through any medium, that leave us horrified…. Girl abducted in a car, raped and dumped… minor girl abused and molested…  The word rape has become as common today as inflation. No sensitivity attached. The word is blurted out with utmost ease. Think of the woman who has faced it; think of the kind of humiliation and low self-esteem she had just felt. But wait… there are many people out there who are even worse… Having said that, let me share with you an episode, which gave me a glimpse of how men (some but still a big proportion of our society) see women….

Sitting through an engagement party, sipping from my glass of juice, noticing the environment around - exactly the way it is in typical Delhi weddings - women cluster together discussing clothes, jewellery and the beauty packages available in the leading beauty clinics.  And on the other side of the hall, were the men... spread like kings..... and discussing everything from cars, stock market to scams and politics.

I, being an introvert in this kind of surrounding, was quietly sitting in one comfortable corner, shifting my focus to the two types of conversations of the ladies group and the men group. It was great to see the expression on the groom’s mother describing her daughter in law as a combination of traditional and modern…. The other side focus was on Anna Hazare and Elections.. I was enjoying it all, infact some discussions I wanted to be a part of but restrained not wanting to interrupt. Then the men went on taking a dig in the Delhi’s law and order situation and how unsafe the city has become.

I got distracted by the mother-in-law statement saying she admires Vidya Balan and would be wearing a red sari on the wedding day. I was pleasantly surprised, since these days when even brides are opting for lighter shades she would be dressed in blood red saree, though she of course was quite pretty and looked young! Shifting my attention back to the other side of the hall, where the host (the father in law) stood up to fill his glass of drink and said "Rape? what rape? Eh, are you talking about that Dhaula Kuan case? come on!"

(Just to remind, The incident happened in December 2010, a 30 year old call centre employee from north east india, was dropped to her place near Dhaula Kuan around mid night by her company cab, when she was abducted by 2-3 men, gang raped and abandoned at another place.  The whole city was under shock for many months due to this incident. It was then, when the guidelines were made for the BPO employers to safeguard the women employees who work at night shifts.)

The host continued - " What rape? it is not rape....these girls are like that only.... they roam around with men....sleep around with them.....and now when someone has done it... they shout saying ‘he raped me’... what rape? is it rape for them? shehhh! " Half of the men there rhymed.... "oh that is not rape... they ask for it... these chinki girls"..... and the rest half were mute, who somewhere didn’t agree but chose to be quiet.

Then another man, proud on his awareness said, "and that Jessica case.... did you all see that movie… who was she to refuse a drink? she....selling alcohol to men in parties at night... and then says 'No' to give a drink..... obviously the boy will get angry?.... so what... after all...he was a man… why would he take rejection from such a girl ". God saved them and the topic was changed quickly...... coz I was loosing my cool and really wanted to intervene.... I so wanted to.... was forcing myself to kept quiet since I was a guest there.

Ladies were still buzy with their women topics, and I was observing the contrast..... noticing the irony of the situation. So ignorant was the lady of how her husband thought about women in general and she goes on talking about her beauty and home decorations..... and here I sat quite aware of both the sides, yet sitting over the issue, gulping down the juice in my glass, as if swallowing the insult to my womanhood poured in the form of that drink.

It’s such a pity, that we live with such ignorance and with such a big facade??

But, the one thing that really disturbs is that, there is a big chunk of our society which feels that a girl invites rape by her dress and conduct.... there is a section of the society which feels a man should not be blamed, if it's the girl who has titillated his senses... by wearing deep necklines or short dresses... then he is only a man... and it's not his fault if the woman is so tempting. Is it a 'thing' that they see tempting and want … Helloooo, its time to grow up, see outside, today girls can beat you hollow, if they want, in any field.

Are there only bystanders in the name of men who are walking the streets of India? Seeing all this, I pray to God to invent a breed of real men now, who are not just men biologically but are men in the true spirit of the word. New age and new India needs them. We need a makeover people. It’s time to change the attitude, the mindset!

** Post done exclusively for Stayfree Time to Change Contest. 
https://www.facebook.com/sftimetochange 

Restless with The Chalta hai attitude !!!

Most of us must have witnessed the growth Delhi has seen in the last few years… from shopping malls, modernization of local markets, infrastructure, flyovers, metro rail, hotels, stadiums and much more…. Every one living in this city is happy of the facilities given as a gift from our government, (inspite of many hidden corruptions and claims), but does everyone knows how to respect it all??? Even after so much or urbanness and modernization I still notice the civic sense missing in many, then I wonder, do we even deserve all this development?

Somewhere the sense of responsibility is missing, I feel restless when the urban educated class behave like some rowdy school kid or a runway prisoner… (excuse me but no references in particular). It’s  not about anything that has just happened to me but something that I have been seeing since a while around me, be it in malls, parks, metro station, on the road or anywhere.

We do clean our garbage bins, put them in garbage bags securing with knots, and then many throw them behind the house in the back lanes or on the side of the road or in an unconstructed plot around, we travel in cars but don’t think twice before throwing the empty wrappers and bottles outside on the road. Then it’s the same people who ask questions seeing a dirty park or road, what does municipality do… Nobody does their work properly?? But what about us, whose road is that? Whose city is it? Who is living in here? … why do we fail to understand its our city too and we owe some responsibility towards it ….

Talking about a particular incident.. I and my husband went to Lohri celebrations at the India Habitat Centre and there was a dinner buffet available to you in exchange of a coupon per person in Rs. XXX.00 . We took our coupons and were enjoying our lohri special dinner… mind you it was an educated high class gathering (infact we were feeling out of place seeing those highly clad uncles in Burberry suits and aunties with their coach bags and their equally  classy families), then an argument caught our attention… a significantly dressed couple who were serving themselves and their plate was over flowing with the food, and when a catering staff reminded them one coupon in only for one person. The lady very curtly started arguing with him saying not to teach her what buffet means… ALAS !!!! it was annoying!!! where is your civic sense lady, did you go to school only to learn English speaking and nothing else???

Similar incidents happen almost every day with all of us, example the queues… do we really know the meaning of following a queue, NO!!! like at metro stations people break the rubber barriers to get through under them and reach the start of the queue… I once softly asked an intelligent looking lady, in her 30’s may be, to please follow the queue for security check, but instead of agreeing that she was wrong, she says please adjust, chalta hai!!!

Whay should I adjust with you??? I wonder what her children learn seeing her living with this chalta hai attitude!!! In malls, parks sometimes I feel sick  seeing the clutter and the mess… many a times when I enter mall’s washroom, the whole area is tarnished with tissue papers and wrappers on the floors, and I can’t believe the same ladies and girls are carrying shopping bags from mango, reebok and adidas.. Out of misery, I clench my teeth and mutter to myself in disgust "we are like that only, han?" but Why are we like this ??

Is it only our attire and accessories that defines us, what about the attitude!!!

Does somewhere our past is impending in our minds? Our forefathers were the people who left their worlds behind when they came to India after partition.  Some are well settled now, some are still struggling, but mostly living a  comfortable life now, after 2-3 generations having faced tough times.  Sorry to say that, but that mentality to collect whatever we could for our families still exists in us, when we want to collect more food in our plates, when want to encroach that every inch of road space to include it in our verandah, when we want to fool/ cheat anyone to get the electricity meter budged, when we keep our houses clean and don't give a damn to how badly we have littered the road or the parks, it been shown but now it hurts.  How-so-ever well-off you become, you need to tune your sensibilities with time.

Let's try to correct ourselves atleast and not to pass this to our next generation, let our kids have a better place to live and feel proud about.

Let's get our acts right, before our kids ask us - "Are we like that only? … Why is everything chalta hai in India?"