Behind Domestic Violence– A Fiction Depiction

In India more than 55% of women suffer from domestic violence. But is it only physical that qualifies for violence against women? I don’t buy this fact, violence of thoughts that thrashes women internally, makes her loose her confidence and her existence, is even worse. Physical wounds may heal tomorrow but the inner marks won’t.

This post is about a girl, whom I got to know virtually around 3 years back. We met on facebook and started to chat randomly. Today you might not get to see her or feel her, neither would this post make any difference to her, but being her virtual friend least I can do is let people know her.

Friends of friends setting of facebook, helped me get acquainted to her when she liked one of my blog post. Tabassum (name changed). Her profile photo was of a beautiful sunflower. Somehow we began with poking and then chatting. As I got to know her, she was a housewife in her mid 20’s. Her husband was a business man. Born and brought up in Bhopal, she moved to Kolkata after her marriage. In her alone time she used to surf internet to know some more of the world around.

I was on my annual leave those days, so with ample free time we got to chat more.

During our usual conversations, one day she asked me, “What do you usually wear? Do you wear kurtis and those colourful leggings which are in fashion these days”

I replied, “I mostly live in Kurtis and leggings”.

“I love them too, I can’t get my eyes off them when I go to the market” she said excitedly.

“So you too like to wear them?”

“I wish I could but my husband doesn’t like them. Though he doesn’t have a problem but my in-laws…..”

“So you should speak to your husband and make him understand that kurtis shouldn’t be a problem, infact half of India wears them today.”

“They are not much educated and have an orthodox mindset. My husband too is a college dropout.”

“Hmm… and by the way what have studied?”

“I have masters in computer science, but what’s the use they won’t let me work, it’s not in their traditions. L ”

Heavy in heart, I could type a word to that. Is this what India is?... How can a girl live with so many restrictions and boundations?

A few days later, it was the time when I met my husband and started falling for him, with love on my mind I made a random post on my blog about love, reading which she pinged me.

“So are you in love?”

“Yes luckily, have you ever fallen in love”

“Yes, in college days I had a boyfriend.”

“Then what happened, why didn’t you get married to him?”

“My parents didn’t approve of him, and arranged my marriage”

“What about your guy”

“I had to surrender to my parents wish and forget him”

“So do you love your husband now”

“Now as I have his child in my womb, it has to be love right?”

“What… are you expecting?”

“Yes… 7 months”

“Wow… all the best”

Since then, we chatted frequently, and she used to talk about her child and how she is developing and loving the feeling inside her. She wanted a son. Though she didn’t give me a valid reason to this, I knew that she won’t want her daughter to face similar situations in life.

When she was 8 months pregnant, she went to her maternal home to deliver the child. Since she didn’t have internet there, she promised be in touch on phone and inform me when the baby arrives.

After a few days she called me, and told me about her health and that her baby shower function went off well and her husband gifted her gold jewellery which was much of a reason of jealousy for her in-laws. I was annoyed. She was going through such beautiful phase of her life and they are being so insensitive.

Within 20 days, I got a text saying she delivered a baby boy as she wanted. I was very happy for her.

It was a peak season at my office, so I got buzy with work and had less time for social networking. Guess she too got occupied with her new baby.

Then one day she called me.

“Hi there!”

It was an unknown mobile no, so I asked, “Who’s this?”

“Tabassum here. You forgot”

She was sounding very happy but unfortunately I was buzy that moment, so promised to get back to her soon. But that soon didn’t come any sooner.

Then one day, a common friend of me and Tabassum pinged me.

“Did you get to know about Tabassum”

“No. What happened?”

“Her baby died”

“What?????!!!! HOWWW?” I was shocked to hear that.

“Her husband lifted the baby, and the baby slipped and got hit on head. Died on the way to hospital”

“How is Tabassum ?”

“Her neighbor told that she is shattered and out of her senses completely”

I remembered her dreams about her baby and of her life with the baby. The lists she had made for her baby needs, the names she had chosen, all gone now.

Few months passed, one day I texted the same friend on Watsapp to know about Tabassum.

“Hi. Any news of Tabassum?”

“What… You don’t know?”

“No… is she fine?”

“She is dead”

“Nooooooo… how do you know?”

“Same neighbor, also a friend of mine, told me. She had got cancer and her husband left her that time. She succumbed to her ailment and worries.”

I was thoughtless and speechless. How can life be so unfair to anyone? She knew no joy in her life, one joy that she got in the form of her baby was also gone. She died every moment after her baby died and to top it all her husband left her with all her troubles. She suffered the pain both physical and emotional.

What was her fault… had she asked for any thing unconventional?

Only wearing Kurtis and leggings and having her baby? Is it a lot for any girl to ask?

Her love, education, lifestyle, freedom, dreams, baby, family everything got snatched one by one.

Hope she is more than happy with her baby in heaven.

Don’t know how many Tabassum’s are dying everyday in India. Each one of us should stand for ourselves and for our rights. It’s high time now!!!!

Kai Po Che !!!

After the many success of Chetan Bhagat’s book 3 mistakes of my life here comes a movie inspired by his story. Though I liked his other books better but still I could resist myself from watching kai po che. Wondering was it the novel or Sushant who dragged me to the movie hall leaving my 5 mth old with her granny.

No wonder the movie did justice to the book, since it was directed by the same man who made Rang de Basanti, one of my favourites. The story talks about everything that is needed to make for a grasping storyline– Friendship, love, business, politics, cricket.

Unlike its earlier glossy counterpart Rock on, the story line here has simple and unconventional rooting. Based out of the simple town of Ahmedabad the movie is all about the three friends Ishaan (Sushant); Omi (Amit) and Govind (Rajkumar). All three with different attitudes towards life, pool in their resources to open up a small sports shop cum coaching centre. Ishaan, a brilliant cricketer in his school days, coaches the young wannabe cricketers, Govind with his calulative and sharp instincts handles the accounts while also teaching mathematics and Omi with his strong political background, gathers fund for the shop from his politician uncle. Things look wonderful just when some twists shake up not only their friendship and business but their lives too.

Things turn around when they lose their newly acquired shop in fierce Gujarat earthquakes. Pushed under debts from his uncle, Omi was dragged to politics while Govind falls for Ishaan’s sister whom he teaches maths and Ishaan, impressed by the cricket skills of a small muslim boy, commits himself to groom him for Ranji Trophy, a dream he had for himself sometime back. Storyline advances with scenes of communal divide, love complexes and political woos, but is able to catch your attention.

Though with no high point as such, like we have seen in Rang de Basanti or Rock on, Kai Po Che manages to showcase a normal dramatic life, where one can’t resist a smile on instances like celebration of their first earnings on top of the bus or their dive into the sea from a fort. A good impactful watch, that might leave you heavy hearted at the end.

Without any doubt, Kai Po che deserves a 4 star from me. It proves that a strong story line makes for a grand success. The three lead actors convincingly portrayed their characters, while Sushant as Ishaan stole the show with his charm, Amit proved himself as a boy with high thinking and simple living, and Omi depicted successfully the confusion of his character between friendship and politics. Director, Abhishek Kapoor, showed his great work again and blended seamlessly the sensitive issues of Gujarat riots in the movie.

After being impressed with 3 Idiots and Kai Po che, I  am waiting for more movies inspired from books like the Zoya Factor and 2 states. 

Modern Motherhood – Changes and Challenges

“Of all the rights of women, the greatest is to be a mother.”

Times have changed and so has the way of mothering a child. They were days when elder women in the family used to guide a girl towards this new phase of her life but today with changing times, there are books and internet. To be a good mother was a dilemma earlier but a pressure now.

At home:::: You are working, then how can you be a good mother…. Are you going to breastfeed and co-sleep with the baby… who will take care of the baby when you are out working… Won’t you feel guilty for not giving enough time to your baby…. etc.

At Work:::: Will you be able to manage work on time with a baby at home…. Will you be as fresh with ideas after a sleep deprived night… will you be able to attend the meetings or travel for work …. What is on priority your work or baby… and so on.

Yes with many aids in market, keeping baby happy and hygienic without investing much time is easy, but that’s not all. Modern and liberal women has many more challenges to cope up with.

Is liberal motherhood bad for feminism?

No. If you have a way, you are confident about, then certainly not. May be what is bad, is the inability of Indian work culture to have flexible schedules and work situations, where nursing moms are respected and are provided with appropriate space. May be what is bad is for her elders to think that she cannot handle work and home both. May be what is bad is sometimes the woman is made to feel sorry for even being a mother.  We need corporates and bosses to understand that if they give a little flexibility, provide them the right working environment, and focus on results rather than time in the office; then women or even men for that matter, can practice any kind of parenting that fits their style, life and family without having to choose parenting style or career.

Woman Vs Woman

9 out 10 times it’s a woman’s question that instills the guilt factor in a mother. You won’t feel more judgemental or guilty, then when another mother gives you just that weird look. Everyone is different and have their own style of raising their kids. Some want to make their kids independent from the start while others want to be with their kids at every step. One should respect each other’s feeling, and as a woman, support other women.

At work? Why feel embarrassed to ask for your needs

Sheryl Sandberg, the 43 year old Facebook COO, is a mother of two and an accomplished woman at work. She leaves office at 5:30 to be with her kids for dinner. She is fabulous at work, then why should the time she leaves office should be of concern to anyone?  As long as she is prompt in meetings, plans and finishes her work on deadlines, her motherhood style shouldn't be anyone’s business. She has opened up at work to ask for her rights being a mother and that has changed her life. Today she is an icon and her life can challenge any orthodox definition of being a good mother.

So, the problem is not your choice to be a liberal modern mother. The problem is that people judge personal decisions, and businesses don’t want to change the way they are. Ladies, it’s time to speak up like Sheryl did. Let the outside corporate world know that you can be passionate about your motherhood and still top the charts at work. Challenge the world and make the change happen!

Is Women empowerment proportional to Divorce rate in India?

Above all, be the heroine of your life, not a victim! ― says Nora Ephron

For most in the history, anonymous was a woman. It is NOW that Indian women has realized her real potential and has opened her eyes to see the outside world. She has admitted to the real ‘Girl Power’ which is no gimmick to be the change. Today, her opinions matter and are heard, and they too can….Divorce their partners.

Contrast to earlier days, today Indian women have learned to say ‘NO’ and stand for themselves and their rights. Men too no longer take their wives for granted and treat them as individuals with their own dreams. As Indian educated women leave their footprints successfully in different profiles, from the corporate to politics, marriage is no longer a necessity to be financially stable. Instead of surrendering to the situation, they now take the matters in their hands and fight for their happiness.

True, Women empowerment has done a lot of good to our country, after all no nation would want to waste half of its potential workforce. But has this empowerment really contributed to the skyrocketing divorce rates in India? We women are changing in every manner, but are the men around us accepting this change? I doubt… May be some of us are blessed with the best husbands who understand our perspective. What about others? Many men are still looking for reasons to put their wives down and if not them then their family.

Well, its right that divorce rates have noticeably increased after the women empowerment in India, but this is not the sole reason behind. It’s the patriarchal society that our men has grown up in, which hurts their ego if they see any girl doing better than them. The impatience and their feeling to dominate their women end up in clashes. Well, not only man, women too sometimes go overboard with the freedom they have and misuse their power. The feminist movement and its influence grows so strong that it influences the relationship and sentiments.

The way forward???

Knowing the fact, that women empowerment is only going to grow stronger, what is the solution to this rising divorce rate in India?

Women are said to be the intelligent one when it comes to maintaining relationships. So its time to know the limits of our power and mutually compromise or change where we can, to enjoy the marital bliss. A line needs to be drawn to avoid gender based conflicts by both the sexes. We women need to be patient till this change gets instilled in our men. That could be another battle to be won!

And what about men?

For Indian men, the need is to look beyond their patriarchal line and be unaccustomed to the new feminist trends and break the dilemma of being a superior. They have to learn to cope up with the change as there is no way around. Marriage is about two people and is not a one-way street. Loving and caring for each other should also mean accepting each other’s dreams and respecting our better half’s thinking and moral values.

Women empowerment is here to stay and grow. So everyone of us needs to welcome this change and be happy in the blissful institution that’s marriage!

House Husbands Or Stay At Home Dads

The stigma is gone! Not only women but men too are choosing kids over career. This is no longer a new terminology but an accepted trend of modern day and age.

Do you have women working at the same level as you ??? I hear Yes… Do you have lady bosses as well?... Again a Yes, many would have.. Most of you guys would agree if we say, many women pose a better competitor to you. World is not the same as it was a century back. This is no new quote if I say “Women are at par with men today”. They have marked their presence very efficiently in this once male chauvinist society and many have been jealous  and shocked of this sudden rise while many others have applauded for this change and have taken a step forward. Let me narrate to you a short story linked to this…..

There was a guy, who was well settled as an investment banker in Hong Kong. Then one day his wife was offered a job and position better than his, as the COO of a well-known bank in India. There were two destinations and one family, the guy without second thoughts gave up his job and came back to India for his family. He willingly encouraged his wife to join, and was happy and content to stay back at home to look after the house and kids in the meanwhile. He without any jealousy or fear of being taunted by the so called society, utilized his time to think of something more creative, and focused towards building his passion of writing. He wrote a book and got it published too. Today after 8 years and many more books to add to his profile, he is still a best seller author of India. The book was Five point someone and he was Chetan Bhagat.

So, there are people who see their wives as an individual too and treat them equal. They know that women too work as hard as them or sometimes even more. The age old traditional theory of sex oriented jobs has no meaning now, men themselves are turning the scenario round the table. They are now comfortable enough in taking charge of the house, staying back and take the hold of daily house chores.

To see the other side, even men have the right to feel free, lie on the couch, order the cook for some snacks and tea, watch their favourite show, be with the kids, manage the chores and lay back, while there wives enter the corporate world and take charge of the finances. This is now being acceptable in the society, and what’s wrong if both sides are enjoying the change ! This kind of maturity and open mindedness is the need of the hour. People now should let go of the orthodox thinking and move towards more of mature act.

And as far as house husbands are concerned, hats off to them for initiating this and being the role models for many others . Let the husbands too have a dramatic life like women, why only women feel the change and take all the applauds of multitasking …**smiles**