Some thoughts of my 30's self!

In 13 Going On 30, Jenna Rink (Jennifer Garner) goes to bed an embarrassed teen and wakes up the next morning a confident and glamorous 30-year-old. I, on the other hand, woke up on my 30th birthday feeling every bit as awkward turning  as I did back then (wait, so chick flicks aren’t the gospel truth?). The changes were subtle and they crept up on me rather sneakily. My body felt fuller, the texture of my skin and the colour of my hair seemed different somehow (in a less-than-happy way) and I found myself looking at my wardrobe and not completely recognising myself in its contents.

What had happened here? Wasn’t I supposed to have a signature style by now? One that anyone who knew me would identify as solely mine: the way I wear my hair, a favourite fragrance or even just the way I like my coffee? And where had I been when all those greys decided to show up? It was like puberty all over again. And I wasn’t any better at it the second time around. I hit the panic button, of course. Overnight, I went from washing my face once a day and pretending my skin came with inbuilt sunscreen to contemplating experiments with nightingale droppings (it’s a geisha secret) for smooth skin.

It didn’t help that there were others around me turning 30 with complete ease. Some were getting fitter, others had gone from being style don’ts to dos and my closest friend tells me she now feels more confident in her skin, which reflects positively on the way she looks as well. I had no idea what she was talking about.

So, who did I want to be? Ideally, someone like Sridevi who seems pretty fit in her 40s and unbelievably flawless. But in a smaller, more relatable, everyday sense, I wanted to learn to grow older like a French woman. Ageing confidently and nonchalantly, acing mussed-up hair and smudged eyeliner, and turning even cargo pants sexy. I went through four books (my favourites were Elegance by Kathleen Tessaro, and Mireille Guiliano’s fitness bible French Women Don’t Get Fat) and countless lists of ‘French Girl Beauty Rules’, which all seemed to agree that being unabashedly yourself was imperative; in France, the concept of peer pressure is an urban legend. Okay, that wasn’t relatable at all.

Next, I turned to Nora Ephron’s I Feel Bad About My Neck, which turned out to be the perfect antidote to my bewilderment. In her warm, familiar tone, and with empathy, she offers light-hearted perspective to sagging necks, broken hearts, raising kids and everything in between — “Sometimes I think that not having to worry about your hair any more is the secret upside of death”  — but she sugarcoats nothing. The cover of the book is bare, except for a beauty product jar, which I like to think contains hope and confidence, the two things,  Ephron concludes, that any woman needs in spades if she wants to grow older gracefully. It was time to face the fact, namely the changes were just a part of growing older and my mind needed to catch up ASAP.

I took my time. The old, nervy me fell away eventually in chips and bits. Slowly, I stopped referring to the ’90s as “just a few years ago” or reacting vehemently when the kids in my apartment building called me the A-word. Up until this point, I never did more than the bare minimum for my skin. But now I started making small alterations to my routine. For starters, I dropped the bird goo idea and took my mum’s advice instead. I now start and end my days with some TLC for my skin. I’ve settled into a skincare routine that works for me. I don’t view it as an indulgence or a task; it’s just an essential part of my day and one that I enjoy. I learnt to embrace the inevitable changes and started paying a lot more attention to what I put inside my body. I begin my mornings with the juice of two lemons and try to limit my refined sugar intake. Physically, it’s more about being strong and fit than just a thinner, possibly weaker, version of myself. I’ve even found an exercise routine I love, Zumba. It helped me shed my negative body image and more than anything, I love that exercise can be this much fun. All that cool, torchbearing French girl wisdom was finally seeping in.   

Turns out there is no novel, new answer to getting old well; the truth is in the cliché: If you feel good about yourself, you’ll look good too, and not the other way around. Respecting your sense of self, even if that sense of self isn’t able to make up her mind about whether she likes her perfume with top notes of gardenia or tuberose, is much too underrated. Maybe giving new things a shot and not being in a habit-driven rut is what defines me. (Also, these days I like my coffee with just a dash of butter, so there’s that to consider.) The fact is that ten years from now we’re going to be looking back at this very moment through a soft focus lens and feeling nostalgic about the time our waistlines weren’t trying to keep up with our chronological ages.

But for now we need to stop worrying and take Ms Ephron’s advice — it’s time to slip into our bikinis and not take them off till we’re 34, at least. 

Masterminds and Minions !!

It was our first day in our respective new sessions in School, and our Mommy was buzy with her list of instructions for the new year. We both were damn too excited to hear all of that and can't wait to reach the school, meet our classmates, new class teacher and show off our new stationery assets, all this while still being jealous about each other's new possessions. That's sibling love !! The 3 year age gap was not enough to stop us from not being each other's friend as well as an enemy. His summer holidays were full of cycling, football and breaking neighbour's windows with cricket ball while I was buzy painting, reading Archies, Tinkle, Billu and Pinky. 

We usually only used to sit peacefully together during meal times - over steaming chhole bhaturas, chicken curry, idlis, dosa and more - Once over hearing my mother marvel about how he had just scarfed down his 8th idli, I challenged him over a idle eat-off. This antagonism was just a way of bonding with him. He agreed, like any other over excited younger sibling, mostly he could watch me suffer. (For the record I ate 18 and he gave up at 10, but I was dieing after that without showing off :D)

I believe that brothers are God's chosen partners-in-crime for you. A sibling is the one person in the world who will confirm for you that, yes your family is a little nuts and yes, that's probably why you both are too. No one else can you that solace because noone else has that wonderful, unique, ridiculous set of experiences that is your family.

Having a brother meant that there was someone to share the blame with did we did something stupid. My mother held us equally responsible for every horrible thing that happened. I lost my penbox at school?

"You all are so careless."

He brings home a puppy to keep as pet?

"You all are so stupid."

I forgot my aunt's birthday?

"You all are so thoughtless."

Somehow I know that no matter how stupid, thoughtless and careless I am, he's right next to me - taking equal responsibility for it all infront of mom/dad. Younger  siblings I do believe are the victims. Older siblings are indeed the criminal masterminds that you are made out to be. 

Because of one simple reason - you have more minions at your disposal. Would Crime Master Gogo be as hilariously frightening if there were no mothers putting their children to sleep at night with, "So jao, nahin to Gogo aa Jayega."?

Whether it's convincing them that climbing into the water tank was a good way to take a quick bath 

or making them conduct heists from the kitchen for more wafers, nuts or biscuits ("but don't let Mum see, okay?" - the mastermind has it covered, as the younger ones innocently follow. Many younger siblings are told they are adopted because they were found in gutter, left on the doorstep and my cousin's favourite - you were sent by courier. 

Every sibling relationship falls somewhere in the spectrum between a Cadbury's chocolate Raksha Bandhan advertisement and a violent scene from Bollywood movie. If we are not standing up for each other, then we're buzy having violent fights that end in nail scratch marks (his) and clumps of ripped-off hair (mine). But siblings are the only ones who make you understand what it feels like to have your heart in the body of another person - like having a best friend that you are born with. I could spend the rest of my life fighting with him, but if you mess with him, you'll have to mess with me first.

(Written for the love of my younger brother, who has grown up somebit now )

Shifitng interests of older at-home women

A ‘happy married life forever after’ is always viewed as the ultimate goal for a woman by her parents. They want to see their girl settled down and prospering. However, in all the haste of grabbing opportunities and making every effort not to miss them, girls are married off at an early age of 19-21, the very moment the mother lays her eyes on a suitor.

In this whole process, education tends to take a backseat. Some twenty years back this was the case, when families looked for girls who could take care of the house. Working women were thought of as heretical, a threat to the patriarchal ways and vulnerable to the running-trends.

Hence, housewives were the most sought-after brides then. They fit the bill – served well in a joint family, the kitchen loved them, mixed properly with the relatives, and from time to time they inculcated the ancestral sanskars in children. It was a happy existence, indeed, for the woman as well. But the ‘forever after’ was not bound to last for long. The emergence of a new-age woman broadened perspectives and possibilities for every woman.

Twenty-five years after the marriage, when their children are well-settled in their career field, which had once been her earnest dream; the woman is forced to question her abilities and her identity. When the picture of an urban-woman is thrown to her face she can’t help but notice what she has been missing.

Despite the urge to change, this new-found dream seems far-fetched to her. The woman is about to enter the evening of her life; which company would want to take a forty-something, inexperienced and unskilled lady?

It is a dilemma faced by thousands of women beneath the glorious veil of metropolitan cities. These women are free- free from their domestic obligations. At first, they succeeded in doing what was expected of them from their parents. Later they devoted themselves to the marital vows. A life dedicated to others. But now, freedom is theirs.

It is all right if they don’t know well a foreign language such as English. None of them must get disheartened. They might have been the best in their class in tougher and other subjects such as mathematics or history. Their worth can not merely be measured in terms of their academic status but the age of experience. 

Older non-working women can surely become a part of the various Non-Governmental Organizations. These, normally, have no age-limits. It is not that difficult to get in touch with a NGO nearest to the residence. For starters, how about a local-welfare society? Or may be a home meal service for bachelors 'n working couples in your area?. The only thing required is determination and faith in oneself. It’s never too late.

Here again…

I have not written for quite a long time, no particular reason I just didn’t feel like, maybe a writer’s block. Last few months have been a transitioning phase for me, from being a mother to an infant, now I am a mother of a toddler who keeps running all over and wants everything that catches her interest (especially the things I am using), and from being a full-time corporate woman, now I am a work-from-home mom with a jumbled up life.

Gladly, I have been advancing in my new chosen career path (freelance content management) and also growing to understand my mini boss much better. Now I am back, with many silly experiences of a mom and struggling real time experiences of a freelancing world. Stay tuned !

My Happy Food Trail of South India!

Travelling has always been fun, from the days when I was tiny and used to travel to my nani’s place in summer vacations with my family, till today when I take de-stress holidays with my husband. But no matter which exotic destination I choose to travel now, it would not match the childhood excitement we used to have while travelling in a second class train compartment, digging in every passing local snack, making new friends, be over joyous to meet cousins, shop in local markets, gorge on the favourite roasted chicken and play and sleep on the terrace together. Those days have carved a deep memory line in my mind.

Today, given a chance I would like to travel with all those people including my late mom and go to some place where time stops at that moment and relive those sweet memories all over again.

But everyone says ‘Live in present’, and I too abide by it. So, If I have to plan a trip in future, being a great food lover and food explorer, I would like to book me and my husband on a 15 day coastal food tour of India and let him wonder exactly what our destination is. A combination of food, travel and exploration is what can create happy travellers like us. Here goes my trail story………

My South India Food Trail ….

Start off from our all-time favourite destination GOA, and make it a point to try a new place for every meal, no repeat is the only rule. Sample the Indo-European romance delicacies from local Goan Masala fish fry and Vindaloo, to Xacuti and Balchao. Witness the Russians indulging in raw oysters plates after plates and wonder if we should also try it. Truly there is no other place like Goa. One place, endless experiences!

Saying bye to the ever welcoming Goa we would head to our next stop, that is MANGALORE, which is known for its Konkani food and pickles. What more motivation would we foodies need. Following our rule, we take the highway, inquire with locals about popular eating joints amongst them and start ordering the best on the menu. Not to miss are the city’s coconut curries, neer dosas and variety of fish, prawn and shrimp pickles. A great souvenir for friends back in Delhi.

After stuffing ourselves enough at Mangalore, we move on to KOCHI, the most famous coastal town of Kerala. Pick up some fresh fishes, crabs and prawns from the local stinky fish market, make a special request to the hotel chef to make something aunthentic Keralian for us and what a treat it would be to have our handpicked sea food. Other popular eateries of the town are awaiting us too, so move on to the next, without missing the local street food at the beaches.

KOVALAM calling! Moving on to another darling of Kerala, we head out straight to the neat gorgeous beaches. Lay back sip some amazing fresh mocktails, bite on some amazing fried fishes and go slow as the destination calls for a laid back attitude. Relax, before the last luxurious meal in the city and say bye to the God’s own Country ‘Kerala’and Hello to Tamil Nadu!

Though there are many awesome coastal destinations Tamil Nadu also boasts off, PONDICHERRY retains its position of being the beloved one. Unlike any other place in India, Pondicherry is more of a French colony, so its cuisine also speaks similar language. Mix is not only shown in it’s traditions and culture but also in the food. Special Pondicherry masala Mackarel fry is not to be missed at all, along with the authentic French and Vietnamese cuisine offered by many restaurants. There is still a lot to explore here. Can we eat while trying the Yoga positions at the Ashram too?

The whole idea of this food trail is like a cool breeze, that goes as quickly as it comes. Our final destination – CHENNAI! Eat, Shop, Roam is our agenda. Take it easy and just soak in the whole aroma South India has given us. Take back the exclusive flavours, this part of the country has treated us with. We aimed for eating fresh and authentic only and followed it religiously. Fly high back to our everyday dal roti sabzi, with unlimited memories, delectable taste on tongue, a few Malayalam and Tamil words on the tongue and unlimited photographs capturing our journey.

Many of us travel, but forget to travel with open minds to be ready to live like the locals do and eat what the locals do. If you search for butter chicken in Kerala and Goa, the whole point of travelling is lost. Go out explore without any regrets coz Journey is the real Destination!

Yatra will help you plan your dream holiday or turn your holiday ideas into reality. Indulge in Travel. Travel On!

[This post has been done for the Indiblogger & Yatra contest "Creating Happy Travellers". ]

Have fun before you say 'I DO'!

Being single is fun, but being married is not bad either. Things change and so does a girl’s life, and thats the reason why all thier friends and elder siblings keep reminding them, ‘Enjoy... Have fun, do whatever you like before the ring is on your finger.’ Though now a days, marriages have opened up too but still there are a few things best enjoyed before you say ‘I do!’.  Here are some great fun ideas, I have jotted down for those who are single but can have wedding bells ringing anytime. Read on and create memories!

1. Grab some adventure with your gal pals!

You are free right now, tomorrow there will be barricade put on this freedom path, so this is the your time. Grab your gang of girls and go out on a crazy, fun and adventurous spree to anywhere you like (Remember DDLJ !!!). From a road trip to Ladakh or a gamble night in Goa or just a wild night out around the town.  Just have a memorable one!

2. Given a chance, Live alone or with friends!

With the wedding vows you enter into the world of Rs...Responsibilities and Relatives. One thing you would certainly crave for, once you are married, is your space, your Me Time! So make the most of this time and if possible, take out a few months from your single life and go live alone or share a flat with a friend. Go crazy, play loud music, dance in your shorts, mess up the place, order in and call your girls over for shorts parties. You may not get this chance again in your life.

3. A night you can’t actually recall!

Yes, just like we see in movies (Ek main aur ek tu, Rockstar or Hangover) or hear people saying..‘That night was fun, but I don’t remember what happened after... next morning I was in my bed!’ The night that will remain hazy throughout your life but still you can’t forget it. Believe me ... it’s worth it! Dance away, get drunk, get inked or a pierce.. just don’t bother and do whatever you feel is crazy!

4. Flirt as much as you want!

Marriage is a lifelong commitment with one person and no wonder, it works only if we respect this commitment and are monogamous. So don’t bind your heart for later, flirt healthy, meaningless and till you heart feels content. Get all of it out of your system and get ready for the new life!

5. Do some aflatoon with your fiance

Once you are engaged, there is nothing like the freedom to talk or meet a man without fingers pointing at you. So enjoy this freedom, go out together and paint the town in your colours. Whether it’s a long drive or chat, eat and gulp at your favourite lounge or dance at the trendiest club, relish this carefree moment of both of yours life before the matrimonial commotion starts.

Don’t let your thoughts block your way, go with the moment and you won’t regret any fun of this singleton life. Have a great life!

Why not make saving easy and fun too ??

‘Motherhood is a divine feeling!’ 

True, but it comes with its own challenges and compromises we women have to do for our little ones and their well being. For instance, a tough tiring pregnancy, numerous medicines and injections, days in the hospital with nurses ready to pinch you in every nerve they could find, sleep less nights with a baby who herself is wondering where she is and crying her heart out, aches in every possible bone in the body, zombie like feeling with heavy heads and unwaxed unthread face and body, energy draining out with even a small task, the unhappy feeling of having lost your enviable figure ..... 

Then in few months you settle yourself and start enjoying the new phase of life when your baby smiles at you, wants to be in your arms even if there are hundred other people craving to carry her... this feeling makes you forget all the pains. What next.. with less or no support system backing you, you are left with no choice but to leave your hard earned job to be with your lil one and help her grow in a better way in those initial months of her life. Like me, after working for 8 years, slogging myself eachday to reach to a level I was a month back and expecting an appraisal and a hefty bonus in a months time, what I chose was to be a stay at home mom and work freelance. With mixed feeling, I tried to focus on what’s coming up in life only to realise that I am gonna miss being independent so much. With little saving in my kitty, I wanted to do some more... since these are times we needed to save the Uncle Scrooge way. So here I am sharing a few tips that I am planning to follow and sound quite effective and doable to me:::::::::::

1. Beat credit with cash

This is the time I need to maximise my saving and not use my card as I had been doing while on my job. I have made a plan to make most of our purchases on cash and beat the credit card. We (I and my husband) will average out an amount we usually spend on groceries and provision and also eating out and keep it aside in the beginning of every month. We will estimate it a little generously so we don’t run short of money for groceries. Then what ever amount of cash we would be left with at the end will go in my piggy bank.

2. Plan all expenses

We are looking to plan as many of our expenses as we could. From an emergency fund to a needful appliance or a furniture. Whatever it is!!! Like for now we are looking to buy an automatic washing machine since house maids are charging a lot these days and we would like to save on that by doing it ourselves with the help of a machine. We are keeping aside all the extra earnings (like reimbursements) for a few months and putting in our fund for washing machine, even though we have enough credit to buy it from. But this way we would be more at ease.

3. Want vs. need

Since a few months every time we wanted to buy something we would ask ourselves – Do we need it or do we want it? This is a quick and effective test for a “buy or not” decision. We are running a used car, even though it takes up a lot of maintenance, because till now we have not got the answer that ’we need a new one’. So until that day we are salting away a little bit of cash at every opportunity so when the time comes, we won’t be taxing our wallets and will be able to put down a hefty down payment for it.

4. List it out

Making a list always helps, especially when we go provision shoppingI I have made a rule – anything that is not on the list, won’t be bought even if we have run out of it and need to buy it. That item goes on the next week’s shopping list. Though, everytime it’s me who victimises and looks to break this rule, so I hand over this responsibility to my husband and send him off shopping. He has the kind of discipline that one needs to stick to the list. This rule works quite well with items that aren’t critical like spices, sauces, and even dals but not so well with necessities like milk and bread but then those are the first to go on the list and you hardly get to forget it.

5. Don’t forget yourself

Do save, but don’t let it become an obsession. It should not make you deny yourself little pleasures like a new dress or a meal out or books. Keep it a point to shop only during the sale season which comes twice an year in August and then in February. Buy 3-6 months advance clothes for your lil one and don’t go over board with it and they wear out of it very soon. To please ourselves, I and my husband take out a small amount as ‘allowance’ for ourselves every month. That money is ours and for us to decide how we would like to spend it without feeling guilty – be it on a new dress or save it for something big that we would not like to buy from our household expense. 

6. Pinching pennies (1s, 2s, 5s and even 10s coins) can be fun

I have found a fun way to save. When I go out shopping for groceries or provision or even indulge in the street side snack or juice, whatever change I get back from it, I put it all in my piggy bank. (Yes, I do have one). 4-6 months down the line, I look forward to save around Rs 2-3k and use that amount to buy something for the house that normally wouldn’t pass the “want vs. need” test like a toaster, fancy bedsheets, rug etc. It sounds fun. Try it!